i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
