My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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