did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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