I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
