I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
