I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
