FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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