the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Watching her eat just hurts me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
