This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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