dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
