I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
