I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
