your parents love me but you hate me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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