No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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