Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
