Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
be right there i have to get my cape
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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