so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
