I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
