Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Houston, we have a squirter
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
