Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
