my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
