I'm lost and stupid without you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
