dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
high people should be assigned attendants
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
