Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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