OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
