is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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