He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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