Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
