She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
