Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
