Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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