kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
