I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
