Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
