why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
