went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
