i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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