mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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