I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
