yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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