Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
