with your own penis?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
