i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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