I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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