I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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