i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
