this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
