The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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