I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
