just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
