Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
