Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
