Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
