What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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