somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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