woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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