i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
